I try so hard not to notice...that you're not here.

Today was pretty boring and normal. I went to the clinic but only had one client today. I also went to work at the Robertson's. There was a lot of laundry lying around the house and I was actually happy to throw myself into the task of sorting, folding, and organizing. Sometimes I think I missed my calling and that I should have been a professional organizer; Erica agrees. At one point I had almost her entire house organized and while she loves it, and I occasionally enjoy the sense of escape that comes from focusing on the challenge of organization, I got tired of being the only one trying to keep the organization up. She told me she used to be just like me and that I will change once I have kids, but it sure didn't change my mother, and I like being able to find things where they're supposed to be. It saves time, stress, and looks so much neater!

On another note, I was brave today and talked to both your Mom and your brother! First, I bought the six pack as a thank you for your brother's help the other day. I Googled good Mexican beer and went with Dos Equis Ambar. I've never seen anyone drink that specific beer, but an article rated it as the best one, and I sure as hell am in no place to judge, so that's what your brother got. We chatted briefly and he said that if I ever wanted to just hang out sometime, to get him out of the house, he is in need of people to hang out with in this area. I'm not sure we would have anything in common (except you of course) and I didn't want to be rude, so I explained that I don't really go out much myself but that if he wanted to reach me he should accept my friend request on Facebook. Honestly, I want to know what you think about this?

As for your mom, we both parked outside at the same time today. Your brother had the driveway blocked with your truck so she had to park in front of the Robertson's house where I usually park. She told me she would move and I told her not to worry she could definitely park there and it was no trouble at all. I had just pulled in front of her car instead. I also took the opportunity to let her know that you would really like to have her Skype name and other contact information, such as her email address. Hopefully she will email everything to you soon!

Now I'd just like to say not knowing how long I won't be able to hear from you sucks. Will it be 3 days, a week, several weeks? I know I'm just stubborn and I like to have all the answers. I understand why I can't know, but I don't have to like it! I'm a "look before I leap" kind of person, I want to know what I'm getting myself into so I can be fully prepared, ignorance is not bliss in my opinion. I'd want the truth every time no matter how ugly or scary. Aaaaand now I'm venting. Lol. I'm just getting mad as I think about several different things right now. Before I went bungee jumping in Costa Rica my older host sister told me not to look down, she didn't understand that until I did look down and could see what I was potentially going to die from, there would be no way I could do it. My father thought it would be better not to share his indiscretions. I just found out this weekend that Gianna kept something from me because she thought it would hurt me (She spied on the last guy I was dating because they were in the same bar and took a photo of him with his arms wrapped around some girl and his face on her shoulder next to her face). I HATE IT when people keep things from me because they claim they did it so I wouldn't be hurt or have to worry. Being made to feel like a blind fool hurts me more, just saying. Also I just read an article about soldiers going on missions and this was how it ended...

"Although the soldiers can communicate with their loved ones via Facebook, email and Skype, they are careful what they say. 'You talk to your loved ones, and you tell them you’re doing all right and everything’s fine, really, and you just go about your day,' said McClellan, who plans to return to Malone University when he comes home. It’s not prudent to tell them every detail, he said, 'because you don’t want them to worry, and you don’t want to be worrying about them worrying while you’re here.'"

...and I know you'd do that. You are going to not tell me things. Ahhh, ok I'll get over it. I'm done, and tired now.

Last random fact of the night... so this girl Michelle Folk, I went to elementary school with her, she is friends with literally almost half of the people on your Facebook friends list! I was having a small world moment last night. She is even friends with Denelle!

Goodnight & Muah!

Keep Calm & Carry On

I was really happy to learn that you had made it to your final destination, FOB Apache. I hope that you will now be able to settle in for the next 9 months and establish your "home away from home" if you will. Moving and traveling around was clearly stressful for you, and I know how important it can be to have a space to call your own even if it is just a small one!

By the way in my Google research about your base I stumbled across another soldier's blog and a photo of his room arrangements so this is how I'm picturing your room...accurate or no?

Photo Caption: "My room in my tent. It is approximately 8x9. I have the Christmas lights & a small lamp as my primary lights. I prefer it to be dim; the overhead light is just too bright."

Reality has taken hold now (Funny how you told me to give it a week and that then reality would set in...and now here I am...) and I do really miss you. I've told you before I don't really dream about people on an everyday basis, however when I'm really thinking, worrying about, or missing someone I do dream about them. My dream was a little strange to say the least, however the gist of it was that I  had somehow made it to where you are located, found you, and was able to be with you briefly before you had to go back to work and then in order for me to stay there I had to be put to work as well. There was a lot more randomness to my dream but it sounds so silly when I type it out on here that I'm leaving it at just that.

The thought of you being "out" and about and consequently having no contact with you for the next couple of days is difficult for me. I know this is what will be happening a lot from here on out and there is really nothing I can do about it so I'm doing my best to "Keep Calm and Carry On." Lately, I'm just trying to enjoy the moments when you pop into my head because of random things I see. Such as, seeing hand warmers for sale in Target made me think of you, my friend Ruffin also bought a sea otter from her last trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium and had it sitting on her side table and I instantly thought about mine, then cleaning off my desk today I found I still had the map of the Oakland Zoo from our first date and I remembered how glad I was to have met you and have you in my life now. I hope wherever you are right now that you are safe, warm, and feeling well. Buona notte caro mio. Muah!

So Much Catching Up to Do!

Friday, Novemeber 9th to Sunday, November 11th
I must really like you because somehow the next thing I knew you had convinced me to hop a plane to Washington and I spent the whole weekend with you! To be honest I'm so glad I did it because it was an opportunity to see how you live, match faces to names of all the friends and family you talk about, and to really feel like I could be there for you and support you at a time when you could use it. Leaving you was the hardest part. While missing my flight, flying into another airport, taking trams and BART, and phoning a friend for a ride to my car back at my original airport didn't land me home until 2am, it was all worth it for the extra 30 minutes I spent in your arms saying goodbye instead of leaving. 

Monday, November 12th
So here I was all prepared for you to leave and life threw us both a curve ball! Due to flight plans not being approved to fly over Russia, you get to stay! That is...until you deploy Sunday, November 18th in the morning instead.

Tuesday, November 13th to Sunday, November 18th
I know I should feel so grateful that I had one extra week of communication with you, and I am, but here it is Sunday afternoon and I miss you so much already. A part of me just can't help but be sad knowing that I don't have your call to look forward to at the end of my day. I allowed myself an extra hour in bed this morning to just think about you, hold your sea otter, look at your pictures, and pretend the warmth from my electric blanket was actually from you instead. And so the waiting game begins I guess. I will look forward to your email letting me know you arrived safely, but mostly I look forward to our first Skype conversation that I hope will happen sometime in the next week or two. It's funny, on one hand I worry about how good the connection will be, if I'll have enough to say, how much time I'll have to say it, and yet on the other hand even if we couldn't see each other we might be able to hear each other, and if we can't hear each other but could see one another it would still be enough just to feel connected to you in some way. Muah!

Meeting the Parents *Yikes*

What a wonderful weekend we just had! You surprised me by showing up 10 hours early, with roses waiting for me at my doorstep. I have to admit I was a little flustered because, as those friends who know me best lovingly refer to me as "anal-retentive" when it comes to my cleaning habits, I was a little embarrassed when you caught me with dishes in my sink and floors that had not yet been vacuumed. However five minutes later, it was clear you didn't care and I was excited to have the few extra hours of your company.

I know that all we did on Friday night was go out for dinner and then come back to my apartment, initially to watch a movie together, but instead we spent the next few hours wrapped in each-others arms just talking. It was perfect because I knew we were growing closer. Getting to know the person I'm dating beyond a superficial level and onto a much deeper emotional one is something I have learned through trail-and-error as a necessary condition of a successful and happy relationship. I have to admit it was a little shocking and completely refreshing to find out a "military man" could so easily and openly communicate with me about his own feelings and experiences.

Saturday I was in such high spirits that I wanted to have an adventure. A day trip to Monterey, CA and a visit to the aquarium seemed like a fun and relaxing activity that we could share together. 

 

Since you were there with me I don't have to recap the whole day but I would like to share the moments that I will look back on and remember fondly. In general, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your enthusiasm. From start to finish, going through the whole aquarium, you never once complained you just jumped right in. You didn't let being an adult get in the way of embracing the opportunity to pet sea cucumbers, try to feel a bat ray, or laugh like a teenager at the penguins trying to get it on! I just wanted to have fun and be carefree and man did you deliver. The next thing I appreciated was your very corny and cliche gift of a small stuffed sea otter. I was disappointed that the otters were not on display, but mostly I was disappointed that you didn't get to see them! Just the fact that you gave me a small memento, something I could hold onto literally and remember my time with you, and that hopefully you wanted to remember as well, was simply sweet. I think it is rare to find a guy who can recognize the small moments and value them, instead of just the significant moments they know they will be in trouble if they forget! 

Finally, at the end of the day you introduced me to an old female friend of yours. I'll admit it, while she was on her way to meet us I looked her up again on Facebook to see what she looked like, so I could be prepared to feel inadequate but cover it up to the best of my ability. The fact that she was beautiful, a model, a genuinely sweet person, and someone who has known you for years would have probably sent my insecurity level jumping off the charts if not for one thing... you. You never once made me feel like a third wheel, on the contrary, you held my hand whenever possible, directed conversation equally back and forth, and I sincerely felt like you were proud to have me with you. I have to say that I don't think I can ever recall any man from my past making me feel as secure and admired as you did not just in that moment, but all weekend, and I don't ever want to forget it.

Sunday, a.k.a. "Meet the Parents" day which as far as you were concerned might as well have been a.k.a. "Doomsday" had us both nervous! It was as nerve-wracking, awkward, and embarrassing as one could have hoped, but you navigated your way through it with a calm and genuine sincerity that is your personality. A personality and person, it turns out that not only do I appreciate, but so far one which my parents approve of and my friends are happy I've found. So our journey continues. You're scheduled to deploy on Monday, November 12th, but for now I am going to continue to enjoy our long Skype conversations and daily text messages. Muah!

A Very Good Place to Start...

I get one last chance to say goodbye to you and I already know it will be bittersweet. I still think you are crazy for flying out to see me just for a weekend for the second time in only two months, but I hope you also know how much it means to me. Right now I'm nervous to have you meet my parents. I've never brought home someone like you before. I know very little about the military lifestyle. I realize I better get used to this exploration of the unknown because the next nine months are going to be full of it. Honestly I'm hoping this blog will help, help me to remember where we left off when you deploy, what happens in-between, and how it impacts us. I think that's enough for now...after all, you will be arriving tomorrow and I plan to cherish the next 48 hours I have with you at my side. Muah!