There was a spider in the corner of my wall by my bed and I tried to kill it with my swiffer but it just fell and now I have no idea where it went. I just hope I can fall asleep now! (I also have a headache...boo!)
I wonder what you're doing and what you're up to but I know I'll find out things like that much after the fact. This week is going to be busy for me, as well as next week. Sounded like you'll be in the same boat. I'm not going to lie, sleeping in this morning felt AWESOME though! I didn't realize that I think I was up around 6 everyday this past week so we could talk. If I told anyone in my family this they probably wouldn't even believe me. Lol. I still wonder now how things will work out with us talking for the next two weeks but I guess we will just figure it out as usual! Muah!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Letter #1
Your email to me on Saturday, December 15th, 2012
Beautiful,
I feel so lucky to have met you, you are everything I could have ever asked for. Before we met I was just walking through life, getting by each day, hoping the next would be better. I didn't think that there was someone still out there like you. I know I came on strong at first and you told me to give you space, which was not what I wanted to hear, but I couldn't walk away. Talking to you made me feel so good inside. I started smiling again just randomly throughout the day. I was happy for the first time in almost 6 years! And yes, that is a true statement. There was always a dark cloud over me, there was always something not right. You give me the feeling of trust, I forgot what that was like. I know that the next few months are going to be hard, but I know it's going to help us build a strong foundation for the future to come. I can't wait to hold you in my arms again.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
You are something special.
After talking to you this morning I couldn't get you out of my head. I really do feel lucky to have you in my life. I did do a lot to push you away at first, and felt like I had plenty of reason you'd want to stay away. First, let's just state the obvious, I live two states away from you. Second, I flip-flopped between hot and cold with you at first because after just getting out of a crap relationship I was more than a little jaded about men in general and assumed you'd be no different. Third, I had my own personal bomb to drop on you which is a deal breaker for many people.
And then you became the exception to the rule. Being two states away didn't stop us from spending every weekend together for a whole month in a row. You didn't give up on insisting I give you a chance and yet at the same time you respected the boundaries I drew to protect myself. Most surprisingly, is how you have accepted me for me, including all my flaws, and never made me feel any less or different than any other girl.
So why does it seem like no big deal to me to still want to talk to you even though you got deployed for 9 months and after we had only gotten to spend 2 and half months together? Well, I guess it's because you just accepted all of the "stuff" mentioned above like it was easy. It is admirable, flattering, and wonderful how you never gave up on me so I don't find it so difficult to wait around for you. Not to mention the fact that I can actually talk to you, laugh with you, and feel like someone truly cares for me just as much as I care for them. I've told you before that this is the first time in a long time where I feel completely 100% comfortable being myself around someone. I don't know if I can even begin to convey how important I have found this to be. I wish I could be in your arms telling you this and saying thank you for being you and being in my life. Muah!
And then you became the exception to the rule. Being two states away didn't stop us from spending every weekend together for a whole month in a row. You didn't give up on insisting I give you a chance and yet at the same time you respected the boundaries I drew to protect myself. Most surprisingly, is how you have accepted me for me, including all my flaws, and never made me feel any less or different than any other girl.
So why does it seem like no big deal to me to still want to talk to you even though you got deployed for 9 months and after we had only gotten to spend 2 and half months together? Well, I guess it's because you just accepted all of the "stuff" mentioned above like it was easy. It is admirable, flattering, and wonderful how you never gave up on me so I don't find it so difficult to wait around for you. Not to mention the fact that I can actually talk to you, laugh with you, and feel like someone truly cares for me just as much as I care for them. I've told you before that this is the first time in a long time where I feel completely 100% comfortable being myself around someone. I don't know if I can even begin to convey how important I have found this to be. I wish I could be in your arms telling you this and saying thank you for being you and being in my life. Muah!
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
While you were out...
So I am bummed right now that I haven't gotten to see your face or hear your voice today. I know I've gotten spoiled seeing you every morning and evening for the past few days!
My day started off with a phone call about babysitting. It was a mom who is somehow related to Erica and who's children I have babysat before, asking if I was free this evening for a few hours. I figured why not? I knew I could use the distraction.
I then went to my supervision meeting. I met a new woman who I have been emailing back and forth about accessing our "cloud" documents and updating her information. I do not like her. I don't think I'll be able to stand her and here is why. She emailed me this morning to pass the buck about updating her information, basically saying here is my info, you enter it into the appropriate documents, as if I worked for her. Then I asked her in person today if she has been able to gain access to our documents in the "cloud" and she just said, "Oh, I haven't even tried." Wtf?! I've been emailing her about this for weeks?! All of the other Counselors old and new figured it out and updated their info ASAP. Not this "special" lady. Basically, after my meeting was over I had a one-on-one with my supervisor who also let me know that she does not like her, this person has no-showed for meetings twice already, and we both felt her attitude of entitlement reeked! I'm glad I have her information now but if she thinks for one second that I'm going to do her job for her she is going to learn things the hard way. When everyone is on the contact list except her I hope she looks like the lazy idiot she is! Grr
Writing this reminds me, my supervisor also put me in charge of finding a location for our holiday staff party, I need to get on that!
Work with the Robertson's was the same old thing. Babysitting for the Hogan's was fun. Their son Charlie is in third grade and is very well behaved. He has some strange ticks or OCD behaviors but nothing problematic. The daughter, Tobi, is a firecracker of energy and in the first grade. She is a natural born negotiator, trying to negotiate things with her Mom and me, from homework to dessert! I told her to continue to hone her craft and she can be a professional negotiator someday. Since she's only in first grade this went right over her head but she's definitely on a good roll already.
As I lie here in bed I wonder when I'll be hearing from you again. I also wish I could ask how your day was. As always, I hope you are safe and happy. Missing your face. Muah!
My day started off with a phone call about babysitting. It was a mom who is somehow related to Erica and who's children I have babysat before, asking if I was free this evening for a few hours. I figured why not? I knew I could use the distraction.
I then went to my supervision meeting. I met a new woman who I have been emailing back and forth about accessing our "cloud" documents and updating her information. I do not like her. I don't think I'll be able to stand her and here is why. She emailed me this morning to pass the buck about updating her information, basically saying here is my info, you enter it into the appropriate documents, as if I worked for her. Then I asked her in person today if she has been able to gain access to our documents in the "cloud" and she just said, "Oh, I haven't even tried." Wtf?! I've been emailing her about this for weeks?! All of the other Counselors old and new figured it out and updated their info ASAP. Not this "special" lady. Basically, after my meeting was over I had a one-on-one with my supervisor who also let me know that she does not like her, this person has no-showed for meetings twice already, and we both felt her attitude of entitlement reeked! I'm glad I have her information now but if she thinks for one second that I'm going to do her job for her she is going to learn things the hard way. When everyone is on the contact list except her I hope she looks like the lazy idiot she is! Grr
Writing this reminds me, my supervisor also put me in charge of finding a location for our holiday staff party, I need to get on that!
Work with the Robertson's was the same old thing. Babysitting for the Hogan's was fun. Their son Charlie is in third grade and is very well behaved. He has some strange ticks or OCD behaviors but nothing problematic. The daughter, Tobi, is a firecracker of energy and in the first grade. She is a natural born negotiator, trying to negotiate things with her Mom and me, from homework to dessert! I told her to continue to hone her craft and she can be a professional negotiator someday. Since she's only in first grade this went right over her head but she's definitely on a good roll already.
As I lie here in bed I wonder when I'll be hearing from you again. I also wish I could ask how your day was. As always, I hope you are safe and happy. Missing your face. Muah!
I worry...all the time!
Yesterday, I couldn't sleep because I was worried about my thesis. Tonight, I am worried about you. Why did I have to get an FRG email saying that one soldier was killed and three others injured in Afghanistan the same day I learn you are going on an overnight mission? All I can do is trust that you are doing everything you can to stay safe, meanwhile I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. When you read this know that I was missing you and thinking about you. XoXo!
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Holiday fun with Nolan and Avery!
So this is my first attempt at blogging via my phone, hope all goes well. Nothing too crazy went down today as I was just babysitting but, fun was had! First, Nolan and I tackled making gingerbread cookies. Considering that my sous-chef was 4 years old, they turned out pretty damn awesome if I do say so myself. They were soft, uniform in size, and pretty tasty.
Next, we tackled the pièce de résistance, also known as a Gingerbread House! Nolan took this task very seriously. He patiently watched and waited while I constructed the "house" and let the "glue" set for the entire suggested 15 minute waiting period. I then quickly gave him a tutorial on how to use the frosting "glue" and let him loose. The photos of him concentrating on his masterpiece are hilarious. Avery stopped by to watch and to either attempt to swipe some candy or be treated to a gingerbread cookie.
We finished off the afternoon with candy cane hot cocoa while doing arts and crafts. Nolan made a Santa Claus, Avery made a Snowman, and together they contributed to a standing foam Christmas tree.
The rest of the evening went as usual, dinner, bath, and bed. All pretty smoothly too! Maybe it was the fun-filled day or the fact that with one easy reminder that "Santa's watching," and behavioral miracles happen, but both kids were great today! It's actually days like today that make me excited about being able to do things like this with my own family someday. It's already a Christmas tradition that I go over to my Nonna's house to make cookies every year, maybe someday, just like with Nolan, I'll be making cookies with my own kids. But there is still plenty of time for that!
Next, we tackled the pièce de résistance, also known as a Gingerbread House! Nolan took this task very seriously. He patiently watched and waited while I constructed the "house" and let the "glue" set for the entire suggested 15 minute waiting period. I then quickly gave him a tutorial on how to use the frosting "glue" and let him loose. The photos of him concentrating on his masterpiece are hilarious. Avery stopped by to watch and to either attempt to swipe some candy or be treated to a gingerbread cookie.
We finished off the afternoon with candy cane hot cocoa while doing arts and crafts. Nolan made a Santa Claus, Avery made a Snowman, and together they contributed to a standing foam Christmas tree.
The rest of the evening went as usual, dinner, bath, and bed. All pretty smoothly too! Maybe it was the fun-filled day or the fact that with one easy reminder that "Santa's watching," and behavioral miracles happen, but both kids were great today! It's actually days like today that make me excited about being able to do things like this with my own family someday. It's already a Christmas tradition that I go over to my Nonna's house to make cookies every year, maybe someday, just like with Nolan, I'll be making cookies with my own kids. But there is still plenty of time for that!
Friday, December 7, 2012
A confession.
I was so happy that I got to hear from you today! Since our previous Skype session had been cut to 15 minutes because I had to get to work, I wasn't sure when I'd be taking to you next, and since it was already almost 11pm your time I had already tried to accept that we were most likely not going to talk today. But then, as usual, you surprised me!
I know you noticed that at the end of our conversation today I looked sad. I was feeling sad. My confession is that I want you to know why. When you talk to me about your divorce or how you and your ex treated one another I feel incredibly sad. Don't get me wrong, I want to always be there for you and I will listen when you need someone to just listen. In fact, I think that when you start talking about your past, the best thing to do, and what I usually do, is just listen. I know it is not my place to judge or weigh in, as it is in your past and maybe talking about it every once in a while is how you sort through or try to make sense of things. I just need you to know that sometimes it is hard to hear. It makes me sad to know that you were that angry, hurt, and sad at one point. On one hand, when you talk about how you treated Jasmin afterwards, I get it, I would have been pissed too, but on the other hand it scares me because I hope you never get angry and want to treat me that way. I was also a little disappointed that we had to end our conversation on that kind of note.
Mike, I care about you and enjoy the time I get to talk to you immensely! I want you to always feel like you can talk to me about anything. I guess my only request is that when you want to talk about your past relationship, you pause and are just mindful of why you are bring it up. Is it relevant to an issue at present or are you just letting out pent up anger? I'm trying to explain this now so that if someday I ask you to stop, or change the subject you might have a better understanding as to why. It is not that I do not care, the opposite really. It hurts to hear the pain you still carry from a memory that I can never erase.
I know you noticed that at the end of our conversation today I looked sad. I was feeling sad. My confession is that I want you to know why. When you talk to me about your divorce or how you and your ex treated one another I feel incredibly sad. Don't get me wrong, I want to always be there for you and I will listen when you need someone to just listen. In fact, I think that when you start talking about your past, the best thing to do, and what I usually do, is just listen. I know it is not my place to judge or weigh in, as it is in your past and maybe talking about it every once in a while is how you sort through or try to make sense of things. I just need you to know that sometimes it is hard to hear. It makes me sad to know that you were that angry, hurt, and sad at one point. On one hand, when you talk about how you treated Jasmin afterwards, I get it, I would have been pissed too, but on the other hand it scares me because I hope you never get angry and want to treat me that way. I was also a little disappointed that we had to end our conversation on that kind of note.
Mike, I care about you and enjoy the time I get to talk to you immensely! I want you to always feel like you can talk to me about anything. I guess my only request is that when you want to talk about your past relationship, you pause and are just mindful of why you are bring it up. Is it relevant to an issue at present or are you just letting out pent up anger? I'm trying to explain this now so that if someday I ask you to stop, or change the subject you might have a better understanding as to why. It is not that I do not care, the opposite really. It hurts to hear the pain you still carry from a memory that I can never erase.
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